I remember while I was married (before having my youngest & getting divorced, of course) that my daughter and my husbands daughter use to get into all kinds of trouble together. They would wake up early, sneak into our room and shut the bedroom door--- blocking all noise in the house and enabling us to sleep more soundly and for much longer than we should have. We would wake up feeling refreshed and then the instant panic of "why didn't the kids wake us up yet?!" would set in.
One night before bed I sat down with both girls and painted their fingers and toenails. I put the polish up on the back of the sink counter where it always was kept and out of their reach... but still in sight. They danced around as happy as could be showing off their nails, pretended they were getting beautiful to go off and get married, or being a princess... typical girl stuff. I awoke the next morning, next to my snoring husband, and noticed the door shut. Instant panic. I opened the bedroom door to find these two sweet girls in my carpeted living room covered head to toe in pink nail polish. And I MEAN head to toe. And I mean COVERED. Along with my three week old "stain-proof" couch and recliner. Stain proof my ass.
As much as I was upset about my living room set, I had no idea the extent of this nail polish fiasco. My daughter has eczema, and the thought of putting polish remover to her delicate little skin was bad enough... I took it to my living room set first which was ruined. The polish color lifted but the oily stains remained. Lost cause. Instead of finishing that, I decided it's time to work on my pasty little kids white and bright shiny pink skin. I start scrubbing. It's coming off, but with some elbow grease, polish remover, and lots of frustration for everyone. I get everything off their faces that look like a drag show gone bad except with polish instead of cheap tacky makeup. I get their feet and legs that were nearly completely covered done pretty well, but the girls just didn't want to sit still any longer to endure this.
Keep in mind my bastard husband is still snoring his ass off in bed in a comfortable, stress free sleep. I could have woken him but I was nearly certain all he was going to do was yell about how naughty this was and go on and on and on about it. The paint was dry and there was nothing we could do about what happened except clean it up, talk to the girls about why this was wrong and move on, praying to God it never ever would happen again. I wish that was the last time I cleaned up after these two but unfortunately we had a similar incident with the same results only with white diaper rash cream, their bodies and again my new living room set... Oy Vey.
Anyway, the girls are tired of being scrubbed with smelly crap and my daughters poor skin was already looking like bumps and rashes were starting where I'd cleaned up. Think, Mom, think..... what the hell... am I.... going. to. do..... Bath time. "Okay girls get your pink little bums in the tub. I'm going to try to wash the paint off your body in the tub... this is not a playing tubby time, I'm really sad about this mess you made. We are cleaning our bodies up and getting right back out." I start a bath as warm as they can stand it, add a bunch of tear free bubbles and toss their pull ups off. "Oh, look, Mommy!" my sweet little 2 1/2 year old says. I got some painted nails and I even painted my privates!" "YOU WHAT?!" Oh. My. God. Holy shit. Lord give me strength and what the fuck all ran through my head as my cute little daughter looks up at me, spreading her little vagina lips that are covered in pink polish. The outside, the inside labia, and every other inch of their bodies covered in pink polish. So when I said head to toe.... I meant it. Luckily their little bodies were nearly completely clean when my husband wakes up and comes into the bathroom smiling and says "Good morning, girls. Having a tubby this morning? It's good to see your smiling faces!" I proceed to explain this is not a good time, he asks why so I pass him a bottle of polish remover, while smiling, and say "Go find something to smile about, it's on the couch" I knew when he saw the mess...He sputtered off a few swears and rants then I hear "I'm going out for a smoke. I can't deal with this fucking shit right now, I just woke up!" Then... he stormed out. REALLY!??! And when I woke up this is what I wanted to deal with? Yet, I did. Another reason why women stay at home as the parent more often then men.
My couch and chair set were ruined as far as appearance, they were still usable to sit on but it kind of sucked. As a parent, I should have gone to a yard sale and paid 20 bucks to lug off someone's junky one.... obviously you can't have anything nice AND have little children. The two just don't mix well.
The kids... well the paint came off. The two of them never got into polish again... it made for a good story I guess, something to tell them when they are older.
As for my husband.... well, I am divorced now, right? :-p
-Single Mommy (SM)
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